remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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