Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
