this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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