i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
