two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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