If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
His hands were made for my vagina.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
