Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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