omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
