There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
