She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
