Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
