This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We left the knife in your bed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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