If that was your dad, he is hot
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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