I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
