Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
