my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
