Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
