I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
