You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Randomize
