If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Randomize
