So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
