Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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