I checked into jail on foursquare
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
