You're completely useless in the revolution.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
