He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize