Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
