CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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