something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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