I want you more than these girls want KFC
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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