its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We are two peas in an std pod
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
