I wish my penis had an off switch
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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