dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
