Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize