just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
