How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you never un-have a 4some
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
