is your mom at the bar?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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