people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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