what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize