Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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