Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
