woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So many bounce houses so little time
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
