I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Come on in and take your pants off
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