Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
