I wanna bring you to show and tell
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
