I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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