Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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