eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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