I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
