Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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