gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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