She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
