But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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