It's like God shit irony all over that family
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
