my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize