I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
