Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
