So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize