maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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