driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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