I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
do herpes really smell.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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