If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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