New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
