Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize