i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
