I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
