Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
