hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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