Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
