she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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