I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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