I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
being pregnant is like rehab
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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