You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
