Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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