In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
ttyl tear gas
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
