I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
