FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize