if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
