Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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