Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
