My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
