Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she smelled like a LAN party
My pussy is not your playground.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize