It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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