remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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