And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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