This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize