Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You made out with two different species that night
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
