Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
