This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
