I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
