why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
