my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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