and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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