i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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