oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't think brook has ever known best
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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