Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
