she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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