Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize