My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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