Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
