By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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