how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
