he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
