You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
